The Guard, The Fan, And The Pink
by LavenderCrystalOfRoses
Summary: Crackfic. You are alone in Fazbear's fright. Well, alone if you don't count the undead robot rabbit that's on your case. And his hallucination/specter sidekicks. You tremble as you hear him advancing. Franticlly, you play AUDIO, but your shaking fingers can't seem to do the job. Closer, closer closer, then...


**A/N: Warnings: Pure Silliness ahead. The viewer is encouraged not to take this story seriously in the slightest.**

You are alone in Fazbear's fright. Well, alone if you don't count the undead robot rabbit that's on your case. And his hallucination/specter sidekicks. You tremble as you hear him advancing. Franticlly, you play AUDIO, but your shaking fingers can't seem to do the job. Closer, closer closer, then...

He comes into vision. You gawk. Then chuckle. "S-Springtrap? What on earth h-happened t-to you?"

The fuchsia rabbit shakes his head. "It's not Springtrap! It's _Pinkt_ rap. Get it right."

He begins to move closer to the entrance to the office, but you hold up your hand.

"No! No! No! I am not getting killed by a pink bunny. No. Absolutely not, no can do, come back when you've washed off that paint or undone whatever you've done...to change your color. I'm sorry-" you laugh, "No pink bunny. No can do. Way too ...ridiculous looking on the obituary."

Pinktrap nods. "OK."

You're stunned. "D-did you j-just-"

He nods again. "Now, Fantoms, attack!"

 _Should've known_ , You think.

And yes, that is the correct spelling for Fantoms. For these were not _Phantoms_ , that's something completely different. These were Fantoms, colorful patrons of colorful handheld fans with foam blades, and yes, Each were holding one of those plastic colorful fan things with foam blades that squirt water. And each had the colors to match.

Fantom Freddy had a dark blue fan with green blades, and was dark blue with green eyes.

Fantom Chica was orange with pink eyes(Not too unlike her old color scheme) to match her orange, pink bladed fan.

Fantom Mangle was all red all over.

Fantom Puppet was sunny yellow and held a matching yellow pinwheel in his left hand.

Fantom BB, he was orange with yellow eyes. What other colors would he be?

Fantom Foxy...wait, where _was_ Fantom Foxy?

"He's at the dentist, getting his teeth fixed. They're green. He's a bit worried about them. But it doesn't matter, because you're still out numbered! ATTACK!" Yells Pinktrap a second time.

The Fantoms turn on their fans. _Whrrrrrr_...

Then...nothing else.

"That's _it_? Oh my gosh, I'm _terrified_." You say sarcastically.

The fantoms proceed to squirt you with their fans.

"Hope you like water!" Says Pinktrap smugly.

"I do, thanks!" You counter.

Pinktrap is getting mad. "You know what? I don't care if your obituary says you were killed by a pink bunny. I'm essentially the spirit of Purple Guy, and now I'm gonna do what I did before-Kill!"

"You're Purple Guy?! OMG!" You scream. "I'm not supposed to know that until after the fifth night!"

"Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert!" Yells Fantom Mangle.

"He spoiled a spoiler before it was time to spoil! Shame him!" Commands Fantom Freddy.

And with that, you and the fantoms turn your backs to him.

"Wait, what?! What is the meaning of this?!" Demands Pinktrap. You and the fantoms ignore him.

"Listen!" He yells.

You and the fantoms continue to ignore him.

He jumpscares you. You don't even flinch.

"Pretty, pretty, please?" He asks.

You stare stonily into space.

"With sugar ontop?" he begs.

You and the fantoms turn around. "That's all you had to say." Said Fantom Freddy in a friendly tone.

"Good. Now-" he jumpscares you again.

Now all you can see is black and the red words "Game Over". And yet...

"Uh...I don't think I'm dead." You say. "And, ah...where's the game over picture?"

"We don't have one, you're just supposed to imagine the goriest death imaginable because I'm-" Pinktrap pauses and gives the fantoms a wary look.

"Go ahead. The damage has been done." Says Fantom Chica.

"The Murderer." Explains Pinktrap.

Silence.

"Seriously? Who'd want to imagine that? I'd rather imagine something cool, something exciting, like a Dance-off. No- a karate match! No, a Karate-Danceoff Match!" When Pinktrap shakes his head and glares at you, you add, "Or are you chicken? Bok-bok-bok-bok?"

Fantom Chica glares and squirts you again with her fan.

"Well-well-No, I am not! I accept your challenge!" answered Pinktrap.

Ten Minutes Later

"That was too easy." You remark smugly as you boogie/jump kick out of Fazbear's Fright. "YOU'RE LAME!" You yell to the attraction.

You can hear Pinktrap muttering in defeat.

"NO, YOU'RE LAME!" One Fantom retorts.

"NO, YOU ARE!" You shout back.

"NO, YOU ARE!"

"NO, YOU-you know what, this is getting kinda repetitive." You realize. Then you leave.

"I'm back from the dentist! Look, lads, now me teeth are blue!" Exclaimes a blue-furred, red eyed fantom Foxy.

"So, what did I miss?" He asks, taking in the dojo-ified arcade and the disco ball hanging from the ceiling.


End file.
